Twhat a week it was, so many triumphs and blunders, 

Some were left with tears while others spoiled in their plunders. 

Class is in session, you may not be dismissed, 

Donny Frost back at it, by now I'm sure you get this week's jist. 

Words can tell funny tales, bring joy and laughter, 

Though much like the Giants, they don’t always have a happily ever after.

I speak from my soul, with hopes of penetration, 

  So beware of continuing for those in ovulation. 

For these words are potent, like the bite of a viper, 

Once my toxins have entered, it’s time to pay the piper. 

This being said, it is time to begin, 

So open those legs, J Dickens requests to slide within. 

 

Caterpillar In the Wind - J dickens

 

A door with no handle, 

A tourist without a sandal. 

Misunderstood and moaning, 

E.T with no phoning. 

Tastes and smells forgotten, 

No wife or kids, but it’s me that’s shrunken. 

Days go by,

The moon changes the tide,

A peacock that just wants to fly. 

Is self the obstacle? 

Is that even possible? 

Is being successful in life really optional? 

Wings stay stagnant unless they are spread, 

A dream is still a dream even if it is held by a thread. 

Learning from action, 

Altering my life caption. 

The world isn’t ready for this nuclear reaction, 

When this caterpillar breaks the cocoon, and follows it’s passion.

 

 

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Wet Jeans - J Dickens 

 

Flesh cigars are red, 

Bo-jangles are blue, 

I am here with my hand, 

But I am thinking of you. 

Oh Anita, 

So cuddly and cute, 

No one compares to how you play my flute. 

My days have fallen grim, 

I've resorted to creating you your own Sim, 

I haven’t eaten in weeks, 

My dreams are haunted by memories of you clapping my cheeks. 

Oh sweet Anita, 

I really need ya, 

Without you I’m nothing more than a raw pita. 

 

Game of The Week 

 

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West Coast Avengers - 123

NY Hibernating Giants - 121.4

 

This decision went down to the wire, 

It came down to who had more want and desire. 

Who was going to win was nothing short of a wonder, 

But in the end the Giants brought the lighting while the Avengers brought the thunder. 

Under the lights on a Monday night, 

Dawson and Julio proved more powerful than Emmanuel’s might. 

The Giants needed a win, that much was clear, 

Now shopping CMC, who would have ever thought it’d be this severe. 

The West won this matchup, leaving the East in the dust, 

Fe fi fo fum, the Avengers crumbled the Giants like pie crust. 

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The Dick of Moby Award 

 

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Washington Foreskins - 177.46

 

Just like a carpenter, the Foreskin’s know their hardwood, 

A proud and prestigious team, who are always misunderstood. 

For they hold loyalty and swag above all, 

It was only time before they were invited to the ball. 

This week they came to play, their players were done with the hate, 

Fournette and Lamb played like each other's counterweight. 

60 points between the pair, and oh what a sight it was, 

Numbers like Josh Gordon in 2013 while on a nice buzz. 

They beat out Dallas for this coveted award, 

Showing that the Foreskin’s are the pork swords that deserve to be adored. 

The girth, the power, the pineapple lunches to avoid being sour, 

This team is ready for the light as they blossom into a flower. 

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Dingleberry Fin Award 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Baja Golden Piranhas - 85.68

 

Two weeks in a row, oh how Baja is falling, 

85 points in a week? If only football consisted of crawling. 

Daniel Jones with a Heath Miller like outing, 

No amount of aid would help this Piranha from floundering.  

Mr. F1 more like Mr. 28 yards, 

Ekler looked like he was trying to play chess with cards. 

If only Hollywood was able to save the day,

But that plot blew up more than a movie directed by Michael Bay. 

What to do when DJ plays like less,

It’s not his fault having Darnold as the conductor of the throwing blind express. 

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Heath Miller Award 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Daniel Jones - 4.08 

 

Danny oh Danny, to what do I owe the pleasure? 

Perhaps because 4 is never a good measure. 

Whether it be length, points, or out of 10, 

4 is comparable to a server controlling your spices asking you to say when. 

Getting rammed by a Donald is never ideal, 

This aint wrestling so no need to play the heel.

Heath is not someone you want to resemble, 

Too many performances like this can turn you from a buy to a rental.

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Michael Vick Award 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Joe Mixon - 23.8

 

A projection of 16.6, about 10 times too high, 

Yassine probably disagrees, while the whole league asks why. 

Though he outperformed this egregious estimate, 

I don’t think it was his abilities, but the 0-6 lions lack of skill that has helped form my testament.

The saying “even a blind squirrel finds a nut”, 

Proves factual in this underdog story where Mixon did not perform like a mutt. 

The Chokers thank you for your service, as it made them victorious, 

Only a week's time till Yassine will be calling you a bastard as you enter the locker room inglorious. 

Take the sun in, while you still can my sweet boy, 

For last week will soon be that of faint memory 

like a time when it was cool to wear corduroy. 

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Rankings 

 

10. NY Hibernating Giants (1-5)

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Tony the window shopper, 

Swears he is gold when in reality is copper. 

In his mind 1-5 is very much alive, 

But CMC being placed on IR is more harmful than water to a beehive. 

What should have been a dub, was squandered by lackluster receivers, 

Perhaps try more motivation and less munching on Gene’s beaver. 

Henderson at RB, what a relief, 

At least not this entire team resembles that of a crusty queef. 

As they say, the show must go on though,  

Even when you have a team of “Giants” that’s stature resembles Biblo. 

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9. Flint Tropics (1-5)

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Mark the magnificent, or is that all in the past? 

We’re accustomed to his redwood stature, but he seems stuck at half mast. 

He got his first win, though his opponent scored 85 points, 

Maybe take a page out of the Raus boys playbook and roll up a few joints. 

Outside of Diggs, Jefferson and Allen, this team is quite grim, 

It is never good when you go to the Tropics and wonder if you are going to sink or swim. 

Juedy returning should be a good day, 

For the Tropics will rejoice having a fourth player that actually wants to play. 

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8. Hill Valley Mandeloreans (1-5)

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Gene is hairier than an ape,

 and hung like a grape.

At least he has a delorean, 

So he can go back to a time which he once found glory in. 

649 points through six weeks, what a disgrace, 

Still not his low point, having Tony painted his face. 

Murray and Moss are not ideal flexes, 

Almost as disappointing as the chewbaccas he calls his exes.

Heinicke as your QB1? 

No surprise why his depth position aligns with how many games you’ve won. 

Kupp and Taylor seem stuck in a bad dream, 

As they have found themselves in a world where losing is the theme.

 

 

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7. Pawnee Swansons (3-3)

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Pawnee Indiana, home of Lil Sebastian, 

With a team that is led by the NFL’s Assassin. 

Lamar Jack, as deadly as they come, 

And a manager that spits anytime he asks for corvassair and is given rum. 

One who gets offered 4 starters in exchange for one, 

Four days later and with zero responses the trade was taken down, a deal wasn’t done. 

Perhaps a tank top whiskey bender was at fault, 

Or maybe it’s the fact that Tony is the only key that unlocks the Swanson’s player vault. 

A nice mustache might not be enough to help this team, 

Saquon and Montgomery being injured is quite the opposite of the American dream.

 

 

 

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6. Baja Golden Piranhas (3-3)

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A fish made of gold, what a thought that is, 

If only this team didn’t score like a keg of jizz. 

Some crackers with that? No sir, 

Like Asher at Zach’s wedding, he hopes last week will be just a blur. 

Though a cut tie will not help this mishap,

Nor a bender of fap, 

For the answers he seeks, he has yet to unwrap. 

Two weeks in a row and Zach may claim that it’s a fluke,

But only Hollywood has the ability to write a plot to save these seas from a nuke. 

Being a team’s first win is never a good sign, 

Neither is being .500 while having the lowest PA stat line. 

Baja has some work to do, things can't get much worse, 

 He is far from home and needs to find his way back to the piranha-verse. 

 

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5. West Coast Avengers (4-2)

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An Avenger and a Giant, walk into a bar, 

The Giants said vroom vroom and the Avengers said get out me car. 

Even with their recent struggles, they have found ways to win, 

Absorbing uppercut after uppercut with their tough crimson chin. 

Dalvin is back Cooking, and Julio seems to have stopped the Jonesing, 

Paired with the likes of Rodgers and Hopkins will have even the straightest of men moaning. 

This team is looking smooth, so it is no time to get their zipper stuck, 

Luckily this time they have protection from the D of a bucc. 

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4. Atlanta Chokers (5-1)

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Miles Sanders projected 12.2 points, is this some sort of Joke? 

I guess it is only right that he is on a team where the mascot promotes a choke.

A quarterback decision weighing heavy week to week, 

Mixon still a set and forget? Oh how things could start to get bleak. 

Gifted a win by a third string running back, 

And if that wasn’t lucky enough, he went against a team with more hair than sac.

This team has a manager that is more proud than Victor Krum, 

A hot start to the season and he has already gained attention from the alum. 

Will this streak continue? Or will he Falter? 

Time is the answer for this neck assaulter. 

 

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3. Còrdoba Gauchos (3-3)

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Joseph “The Gaucho” Cuervo, 

Leader of the I Don’t Give A Fuck Bureaux.

3-3 does not tell the whole tale, 

Second in Points For and second in against has surely balanced the scale. 

Amidst a heated quarterback battle, the Gaucho’s manager is torn, 

Who to start week to week looking harder than picking a nightly category of porn. 

A nice MILF on one side, anal on the other, 

My hand has gotten stuck in the dryer, can you help me get out stepbrother 

Getting Deebo back could not come at a better time, 

Without him, this team’s a shot of tequila without the lime.

The Gaucho’s cocks are huge, that I know to be true, 

Though if this amount of points continues against him, I fear his balls may turn blue.

 

 

 

 

 

2. Washington Foreskins (5-1)

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Some have dubbed them the Cocker Spaniel of the league, 

6 weeks in and this Foreskin is showing signs of zero fatigue. 

Morning, afternoon, evening, 

Cocked and choded ready to spread their seasoning. 

Nahjee looking like the second coming of Harambe, 

Talent this good can only be compared to Mr. Clause behind the reigns of his sleigh. 

CeeDeez nuts in your mouth is as entertaining as they come, 

Yet the loss of Anderson has this manager feeling numb. 

He is a loyalty guy, with a heart that is easily scratched, 

A week later Keenan Allen and the Foreskins are looking mismatched. 

Nothing they can’t seem to work out, 

The rain always falls heaviest after a drought.

 

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1. Dallas Big D’s (4-2)

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The Statue Liberty of phalluses, oh my, 

This season it is official, Luke is indeed that guy. 

Averaging 155 points is as substantial as it gets, 

The D’s are looking like a young Rocky bobbing and weaving through the hits. 

Kareem getting hurt is sure a hindrance, 

But to turn a blind eye to this team's depth would be pure ignorance. 

Superstars throughout, with no holes in sight, 

All hands up when this team takes the field, might as well call them midnight. 

0-2 is a thing of the past, 

4 games and 4 wins later leaving every opponent in a full body cast. 

Every week King Henry deserves his own day

In Dallas it takes 6 hands to celebrate palm sunday